What?!?!?! A Post?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Sup peeps? Anyone still out there? I am UPDATING!! HURRY COME READ! LOL
Sorry I have been gone for so long, it’s just that it’s Summer, and I have lots of stuff going on. If there was a way to blog from my phone (I need to check into that) I could update sooooo much more! But I am rarely if ever on the computer and that’s usually only long enough to check up on my myspace and my email. Speaking of email, you will find a meme entry from me soon because in my email box staring me in the face are the interview questions I asked for from Miss Mandylicious! LOL! So girl, I am working on it, promise!!
So recent events, my favorite way…
* JD and I passed the three years of wedded bliss mark last week. Three whole years! Hopefully this one is better than the last, hopefully a lot less stressful and a lot less scary! Although I am so happy that we made it to 3 years and I am looking forward to the rest of our lives. I love this man with all of my heart and in the past few weeks we have made great strides in our marriage (which honestly seemed to have been falling apart).
* I start working this week. Third shift baby, in one of my favorite places, downtown! I’ll be working in a club…well actually there are 4 clubs in one, but 1 of them is closed for remodeling. Regardless, it’s a hot place to work! Go me!
* All of my friends are either having babies, recently had babies, or have had babies for a while. I am going to be 28 soon, we have been married 3 years. Every time someone calls or emails to say, “Guess what? I am having a baby!” it just furthers my feelings of inadaquecy about giving JD a child to call his own. And it doesn’t help that he has been babysitting my friends kidlet who absolutely adores him and everyone keeps saying what a great father he will make. Folks, I don’t think I can have kids! It sucks and it’s hitting me hard, even harder tonight as another good friend just found out she’s having a baby! Although I am always happy for my friends, I just wish it was me!
Really I think that’s all the major updating I needed to do for the moment. Now I am off to work on this freakin’ interview questions I have been putting off for so long! So yeah, hopefully someone actually comes back to my blog in hopes of an update (yup, I am so gonna email my 3 fave *(read: only)* readers to let them know I actually updated!).
I hope to be writing more…mental note: check into blogging from my phone!
Oh and also Sudoku…I am freakin’ hooked on that game! That is all!
And it could all come tumbling down
First off let me say this (Mandy, pay attention here…lol). I have this nifty little thing built right into my blog here that lets me see just about anything sitemeter does. Including search engine terms used to find my blog. And I check them everytime I get online (which hasn’t been in forever mind you) and a few days ago someone searched “mandylicious” and it brought them to my blog. Haha, I got quite the kick out of that one! Just had to share that for Miss Mandy!
Ok, ever have one of those days that you feel like you are standing on the very tip top of a pile of boulders and if you move the wrong way they could all just start tumbling down, taking you down with them, and of course probably meeting your untimely demise? No? Well I am. And I hate it. So if you don’t hear from me…the boulders got me ok?
We have been in full fledged spring cleaning mode. The carpets shampooed, the painting projects getting finished up, the house being deep cleaned. Yup, it’s been a cleaning frenzy for the past few days. And today I deep cleaned our bedroom. Whew, I am wore out. I am glad the house is clean, I need a break, however I am sure tomorrow I will feel quite lost with nothing to do. Blah.
Ok, that’s it for me, just wanted to say hi, and I am alive…for the moment. Either my insanity will kill me or this toothache will. Toodles.
Meanwhile…
No worries, the deep stuff is still coming, it’s a work in progress sitting in my drafts. I have to be in the right frame of mind to attack that kind of thing and it hasn’t been a good day so today isn’t the day. However, in the meantime I want to touch on a few things.
Has anyone seen the show Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? F.U.N.N.Y stuff right there. If it wasn’t so funny it would be stupid, but seeing these adults stumped on 1st grade questions (and yeah, I would be up there too…lol) is funny stuff! Ah it was something to watch since Grey’s was a re-run tonight.
Corn and Rice Chex…love. Just wanted to share that with you!
Jager bombs on an empty stomach is not a good recipe for fun. Oh yeah, it’s fun when you first get your drunk on, until you are ready to puke and the world is spinning out of control. Then…not so fun. Next day, also not so fun!
PMS, also NOT.SO.FUN. Especially when you have no vehicle due to loaning it out to your friend working 3rd shift and you are craving chocolate like a crazed woman! And it’s freakin ass cold outside, with some massive wind…so I am not walking either!!!!
Since moving back home to IL I have lost over 60 lbs. Ok folks, that’s a big effing deal to me! I am so stoked!! I want to lose 40 more before the year mark, and I will be a very happy girl, maybe even 50 more. But still, this is huge for me! And the best part is I am not longer afraid to weigh myself. And for me to blog about my weight is also a huge accomplishment! Yay Kell!!
Goals…I am craving goals. Setting them and MEETING them! Like ok, for instance it has been a goal of mine for weeks to get our room organized and re-arranged. Still not done. I need to set goals and I need to get them freakin’ done! I think that will help my frame of mind to do things like that. Big goals, little goals, long-term, short-term…I need goals! Will probably be doing an entry listing said goals soon, and then re-visiting as I check them off.
Ok, thats all I can think of for now. So I am going to go hang out with the hubby man, I have some cards calling my name. If I can stay awake long enough! Toodles!
Baring of the soul aka Vulnerability
In light of some recent blogs I have found that are real, true, hard-core this is life stuff, I have decided to forgo the usual sweetness and light blog stuff for a minute or two. As much as I want to be seen as a normal, happy, run of the mill girl next door blogging about daily life shit that doesn’t really matter, I also just want to be real for a minute. I want to show the world that there are scars on this soul, that there are flaws to this girl, and that everyone has demons that try to eat away at the most crucial part of a person, their soul. I have tried this before and failed, mainly due to some internet drama where anything I wrote could be and was used against me. Having your pain, your angst, your soul used as a weapon to slander, and belittle was not something I was enjoying, and I wasn’t going to let them have more fodder for their fire, so I quit being real. But now that it’s behind me, I am free to be real, free to bear my soul. And even if they do find me and use it against me, well that’s ok too. Because I am real…and I am proud to be real, a lot of people can’t say that.
However, when I think about writing this entry (maybe more like a series of entries), why is it that I can’t breathe? My chest gets tight, my hands go cold and clammy, and I get the internal jitters? Vulnerability. I loathe being vulnerable, I did that for far too long. I am the kind of girl who wears her heart on her sleave, but only to an extent. While I will let some of my pain through, only enough for those around me to not think I was crazy for being down and out. But the real stuff, the real demons, the real vulnerability I hide. I build up walls that protect me from baring my soul, from letting it all out, from letting people see just whats wrong with me. Because I hate being vulnerable.
However, this is a blog. And the only person in my offline life that reads this blog is my husband. And although I build up walls with him, none of what I write will be news to him. So with that being said, thus begins my baring of the soul journey in my blog. The only thing I hope is that things you read here do not make you think any less of me, but make you realize that everyone makes all kinds of misakes, as long as we learn and grow from them we aren’t doing half bad. I ask that you don’t judge me, that isn’t why I am writing this stuff, if you do that you can very well look up to the right hand corner and click that pretty red x box.
Now I am off to write Chapter 1…
Stress…a nasty 6 letter word
I hate that word. I loathe it’s very existance. Why? Because I am a crazy stressed out person by nature. Big things, little things, all things stress me. It’s going to snow 3 inches, I am stressed out about my loved ones having to drive on crappy roads, the truck breaks down, I am stressed about the expense and lack of a vehicle for days. It doesn’t matter what the crappy sitch is, it’s going to STRESS ME OUT!!!!!!!
What happens when this random girl gets stressed? She gets oh so effing cranky! And really (and I am sorry to male readers) but when you’re on your period, stress is a much bigger problem…especially when you are already super cranky that week by nature. Guess what folks? This is NOT MY WEEK!
And what makes an already crazy stressed out me even more stressed out, when the hubbyman starts stressing. Let me first tell you this, JD is laid back by nature. Seriously, he is my ever optimistic (to the point it pisses me off when I am stressed) “everything will work out just fine”, glass half-full husband. Usually I want to pummel his face for this…lol…ok not really, but you are catching my drift right? Well not today my friends. Today my dear, wonderful, eternally optimistic husband…was PESSIMISTIC! Shocked? I was too! His stress load finally took it’s toll on him, and he is visibly shaken by it, and being quite the negative nelly (helloooooooooooo baby, thats my job!).
So what do I do? I sit down on his lap, give him a big hug, and tell him everything is going to be just fine! Can we say role-reversal here? And when I am stressed (and I am, just as much as he is) I HATE THAT PHRASE!!!! IT IRKS ME WHEN HE SAYS IT!!!! LOL! So what do I do? I give it to him. Then I remind him about how we have been made it through worse and come out stronger….and we will be just fine. We just have to remember to stick together and be there for each other and everything will work out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Speaking of working out, they started the truck!! Yay!! That means one major stress is FIXED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I gave him a great pep-talk and then an amazing romatical kiss, and a big hug and just held him. I hope it made him feel better, I know he was shocked to see me in the role he normally plays. And now that the truck is running (again, GREAT NEWS!) I bet he comes in here in a great mood!
The moral of this post? Stress is my nemesis. It always has been, but in seeing my husband so stressed out and having to take the role of moral support, make him feel better, try to remain positive spouse, I learned a lesson. It’s all about how you deal with it, look at it, handle it. If you DON’T let it get you down, DON’T let it consume you, DON’T let it frazzle you, DON’T let it affect you physically…you come out standing quite a bit taller and quite a bit stronger. And sometimes something that stressed you out so much (like the truck) works out so well that you think to yourself, why was I so damn stressed about that anyway? So today…I look at stress a bit differently…and I hope that it sticks with me for a while. I can handle it…I am tough, right?
Now, I hope I haven’t jinxed the truck! LOL!
***ETA*** In all the hits on this entry that I got, noone even noticed my typo, it said stress is a 5 letter word, I just fixed it to say 6 letter word. LOL!
